MY LIFE MAY HAVE CHANGED TODAY

I'm not too sure anymore...

So I'm supposed to have foot surgery on Friday. As a precaution, I had to get a full exam from my doctor. The Dr. found a lump in each of my breast as well as something irregular in my throat. I'm still not sure what's what, or the exact diagnosis or what's the exact problem. All I know is I left the dr's office with about 4 referrals. My dr made the assistant call the other medical facilities to schedule emergency appointments for me. It seemed so unreal.

The appointments for my throat are in the morning. I have to meet with two different doctors. Hopefully, it turn out to be nothing. Hopefully... The doctor said I should only be worried if I previously had black outs and similar issues. But how would I know, lol. I know it's no time to joke. I've been asking those around me if I've been blacking out and with a raised eyebrow, they've all told me "no." So tomorrow we'll see. Hopefully I just slept wrong or something.

And apparently, the throat is a much bigger issue than the breast, but the breast scares me. My aunt died of breast cancer. She had her breast removed, but not before it spread to her lung. She was also my God Mom. She died when I was in the 4th grade, but I still miss her soo much.

My cousin also died of cancer at the age of 25. I don't remember what cancer she had, but it took her quickly. She had fallen in love with the guy she was dating. She went to the doctor for some birth control and and they found the cancer. She died a few months later. I think I was 19 at the time. She was my favorite cousin.

Fast forward to the dr telling me that I may have a lump in each breast and the tears streaming down my face as I thought about the fate of my cousin and aunt; the dr.'s words were a blur. Rewind to the last time I had these feelings that cancer was creeping back into my life. I was working as a check cashing teller at the Nix Checking Cashing in Watts about 10 years ago. It was 10 minutes before closing and I was handling the last of the customers. My mother called me to tell me that her dr found a cyst in her breast. Again with the tears, this time, I was counting out money to the customers. I remember a guy walking away from the window with his money saying that I was crying like I was giving away my own money. No idiot, I thought I was going to loose my mother. Turns out her cysts were nothing.

She always assured me that we didn't have to worry about cancer. Said that she had her own father, and that cancer runs in her sibling's father's family, separate from our bloodline. Hopefully that's the case. The lumps are located in the same place of each breast, so maybe it's from the bras I wear or something. *shrugs*

So I've been upset all day and finally text my boyfriend to tell him what's going on. His phone can't receive calls from his basement office. So we finally get each other on the phone. I tell him what's going on, and we talk about what it could mean and that it's going to be ok and all that stuff. So he tells me that he's going to some kind of improv thing with his friend, and I ask him to stay at home with me, but he just can't miss whatever this thing is. I mean, I guess I could have told him that I needed him to stay home with me tonight, just tonight. I never ask him to change his plans, and I'm not usually emotionally needy, but since my life may have changed, I thought he would stay. I mean, who knows if I'll be around tomorrow.

But I guess a kiss on the cheek or a stroke on my arm doens't cure cancer, or whatever may or may not be wrong with me. So why do I really need him here. I can wipe my own damn tears...

10 comments:

  Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T

April 23, 2008 at 6:44 AM

damn hon, u will be im my prayers and keep smiling ok thats all it takes a full and happy heart

  Still_Pocahontaz

April 23, 2008 at 8:55 AM

hey Lo,

Put your trust in God. I will keep you in my prayers

I got your tag...I answered the tag the other day...check on Crossing Treasures

Be Blessed

  Miss Mika

April 23, 2008 at 9:55 AM

Wow.

That is crazy hearing about two different things in two completely different places in your body. You will most certainly be in my prayers.

I am sure that everything is going to be alright though. I could remember going through a normal pap exam, the doctor said she felt an unusual lump. I immediately paniced. She then proceeded to perform and ultrasound to see exactly how big the lump was. It was pretty large. Come to find out, I had an ovarian cyst which is very common and treatable.

Stay strong and prayerful :)

  LadyShay

April 23, 2008 at 4:45 PM

I'm hoping that it's all just precautions and nothing too serious.

Shoot me an email at ladyshay99@hotmail.com and tell me what email you use to sign in to blogger if it's not loloscube@gmail. That's where I sent the invite, but if you log in with a different one, I'll need that.

Holla!

  dejanae

April 23, 2008 at 8:25 PM

hoping ur alright hon
saying a prayer that all is well

  Veronica Wright (Hunnie)

April 24, 2008 at 8:13 AM

I remember they found lumps in my mother's breasts...turns out they were all benign and it came from her consuming too much caffiene! (she was a chocolate and tea lover)

Stay in prayer and try not to worry!! PLEASE!

I pray for your good health!

  Charles

April 24, 2008 at 8:59 AM

I hope everything will be okay with you. I told myself if I ever get in another relationship, I'll treat everyday like its the last...everyone should live by that philosophy. He might not have understood the urgency.

  Melody.Darlene

April 24, 2008 at 1:49 PM

omg sweety i dont know where to begin!! first, thank you for sharing this with all of us. i pray that its not cancer, but its something women need to be reminded of, so by posting this it lets us know not to be blinded!

i wish u well and i pray that everything works out for the best.

  Opinionated Diva

April 25, 2008 at 11:15 AM

I am soooooooo mad at your boyfriend right now...but moving on...

This was a couple of days ago...I hope you've received some good news by now.

Chin up.

*hugs*

  dessex

April 25, 2008 at 6:02 PM

what do you say in a moment like this....God when be you strenght in your weakest moments. I will keep you in my prayers